I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
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