Nicole vs. Life
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.