i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize
