ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
The 19 Strangest Things People Use To Get Off
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
These 25 Normal Couples Tried Porn Moves During Sex And It Ended Horribly
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."