Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
the night ended with taco bell and tears
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD