This girl is more easily done than said...
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?