Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
my liver is dry heaving
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
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