I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
Randomize