why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
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