maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
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