that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
Never underestimate the power of titties
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