god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
Lo siento on account of my penis...
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
The adults are the big ones right?
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
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