Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
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