It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
Randomize
