Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
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