i already hear my dad disowning me
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Randomize
