lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
Randomize
