yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
Grow some girl-balls and come out already
i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
Randomize
