3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
Randomize
