you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
When are your genitals available?
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
