Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
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