Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Randomize
