I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
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