My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
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