Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
Randomize
