Please, let me fuck your mom
If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
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