Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
One more sleep until playoffs, Canucks are back this year, you bet your ass I'm going to uphold the tradition of being the 90 lb girl that fights every hairy ass Bruins fan at BWW.
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
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