You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
This is the high leading the old right now
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
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