Texts From Last Night

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  (817): View more from Texas

  what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?

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  (817): what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!? http://tfl.nu/lfzq
  Replies (9) Good night (4100) Bad night (764)
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  (949): View more from California

  It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth

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  (949): It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth http://tfl.nu/i6ri
  Replies (8) Good night (667) Bad night (3692)
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  (847): View more from Illinois

  I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day

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  (847): I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day http://tfl.nu/i0qa
  Replies (20) Good night (1769) Bad night (5803)
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  (239): View more from Florida

  Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...

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  (239): Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot... http://tfl.nu/oqxd
  Replies (17) Good night (8338) Bad night (1396)
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  (908): View more from New Jersey

  was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.

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  (908): was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone. http://tfl.nu/nbte
  Replies (12) Good night (1224) Bad night (4075)
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  (406): View more from Montana

  As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.

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  (406): As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins. http://tfl.nu/zjez
  Replies (21) Good night (5466) Bad night (1218)
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  (608): View more from Wisconsin

  It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw

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  (608): It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw http://tfl.nu/lvr6
  Replies (10) Good night (3717) Bad night (800)
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  (480): View more from Arizona

  Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.

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  (480): Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face. http://tfl.nu/gk53
  Replies (10) Good night (1150) Bad night (2358)
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  (781): View more from Massachusetts

  I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.

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  (781): I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path. http://tfl.nu/8tge
  Replies (6) Good night (2297) Bad night (762)
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  (250): View more from British Columbia

  Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.

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  (250): Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks. http://tfl.nu/2d3d
  Replies (3) Good night (1846) Bad night (731)
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  (541): View more from Oregon

  Well for starters, her tits were hairy.

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  (541): Well for starters, her tits were hairy. http://tfl.nu/wo8e
  Replies (27) Good night (536) Bad night (3269)
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  (815): View more from Illinois

  Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover

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  (815): Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover http://tfl.nu/dbpl
  Replies (4) Good night (927) Bad night (717)
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  (412): View more from Pennsylvania

  I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.

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  (412): I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn. http://tfl.nu/rnnm
  Replies (3) Good night (528) Bad night (311)
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  (503): View more from Oregon

  Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.

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  (503): Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are. http://tfl.nu/rx55
  Replies (4) Good night (899) Bad night (397)
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  (503): View more from Oregon

  Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?

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  (503): Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle? http://tfl.nu/d4q1
  Replies (6) Good night (485) Bad night (286)

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