No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
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i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
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