do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
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