Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
Randomize
