I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one