This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
Randomize
