Will you blow on my dice?
Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
apparently the secret to your success is patron
Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
Randomize
