Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
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