I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
He felt like a one man threesome
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
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