I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
Come back. Shots need mouths.
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
Randomize
