end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
Randomize
