im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
Randomize
