She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
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