I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
Randomize
