If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
Randomize
