Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
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