This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
Randomize
