my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
Randomize
