i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
