Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
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