tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
i think i just naturally attract stoners
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Randomize
