My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
She even gives head with a lisp.
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
Randomize
