I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
she's traveling up the coast with her camera and a stash of pot cookies eating food from different campuses. said she slept in a closet 2 states away last nite... of course I'm interested
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
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