Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
Randomize
