let me know it goes. try not to get bit. and if you can, get someone to videotape it.
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
I was not drunk enough for that final.
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
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