The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
Randomize