i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
Randomize
