Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
Randomize
