I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
Randomize
