You just made me feel so damn special
i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
Randomize
