I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
Randomize
