Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
Never underestimate the power of titties
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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