so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
Randomize
