So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
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