I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
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