Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
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