one might say we're banned from that church
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
Randomize
