I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
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