So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
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