Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
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