Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
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