fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
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