Cool, I just put that together. I didn't know if using a tie-died sub machinegun was too crazy
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
Randomize
