I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
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Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
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I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
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