Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
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