So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
Randomize
