I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
Randomize
