I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
Randomize
