can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
Randomize
