but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
Randomize
